Showing posts with label subhadra. Show all posts
Showing posts with label subhadra. Show all posts

2.21.2016

A Tryst with Faith

Yes, it’s been the year of Jagannath, the year of Kamakshi Amman and Tara Ma, the year of the great lord Shiva himself. Call it a twist of fate that in the last few months I got tossed into Bhuvaneswar on work, or was it a pretext to a greater reality unseen by the rest of the mortal world. 

Lord Shiva was my prime focus, and His sheer presence in my mind drove me to visit Lingaraja temple where I had the chance to walk into the Garbha Griha and learn more about Him. At the center of the chamber lies the shrine, a low Shiva linga, but with a difference. Lord Vishnu adorned in silver resides on Him. To my surprise I learned for the first time, this could well be the form of HariHara. Rich with experience I subsequently went to Puri Jagannath, where I came upon Kasi Vishwanath at the entrance. I also learned that the great Guru of Jagannath also resided within these temple walls and to my surprise he was the great Lord Shiva himself in the form of a linga. 

But, there was something else that moved in the mystical world just about the same time, one that I could sense but couldn't quite place my finger on. Emotionally I was exhausted wondering about how I could channelize my high energy emotion of Love and Bhakti. That’s really when Lord Jagannath stepped in, presenting ever so many occasions to repeatedly come and visit Him. He was there to guide, to keep my faith intact and to grant me as many visits as I possibly wanted. And, if there is anything am capable of ... its spiritual greed, I wanted to meet Him, again and again and again, closer and closer each time.

In my first visit apprehension overtook my emotion of divine love, a fear that this beautiful world within my mind would be destroyed by a screaming uncouth panda demanding for dakshina. It’s a mortal fear I have like anyone of you, the only difference was that I was worried because I really wanted to meet the Lord and I was scared it would not work out at all. My focus stayed in place, but my heart didn’t know what to expect. It appears like Lord Jagannath felt my fears and put it to rest when he sent a panda (who I never met after that) to come and guide me into the sacred chamber with gentleness and respect, something that I never expected. I met the Lord close, up close, amazed that I could walk into a garbha griha... no rules, no noise, no demands. 

I came out overwhelmed and went back home fulfilled only to learn later that there was a path of pradakshina I could have taken which I was not aware of. In my next visit, there was little chance of meeting that panda again but as I cursed my stars a friend of mine said she could arrange for another panda, the logistics of which I fixed through the course of the evening. It was a close call, to cover Konark and head towards Puri and find our way back to the airport at Bhuvneshwar, it was clock work and the Lord didn’t disappoint, for he let us walk into his shrine in the early hours of the morning. This time, I requested for the Pradakshina and I was allowed through with my friends. It was an experience to discover more about Lord Jagannath every step of the way, to learn about the temple, to learn about the way of life that surrounds these walls. 

I came out overwhelmed again, breaking down into my emotions partially as I thanked my friend endlessly for helping us through this. This time I saved the panda’s number and informed him I would be back in January to offer my manuscript, my work of art to the Great Lord Jagannath. Come January, I trooped back to Puri, as promised with my heart all set in anticipation wondering whether I would be granted my Jayadeva moment. It was unbelievable to say the least, where Lord Jagannath orchestrated my entry and exit ensuring I didn’t go back with disappointment. Whether it was day or night, whether it was a normal darshan or Shankranthi, whether there was few people or millions who thronged the temple, He made sure I visited him and had a darshan of him up close. When the Lord wishes, we can get the opportunity to bypass a wall of human beings to get a glimpse of him in a packed audience. I came back blessed with his victory flag that flies up high on the finial of the temple. 

Intoxicated and overwhelmed, emotionally saturated I returned yet again to visit him this time, with just one thought in my head.  I may not be able to come so often, and hence I asked the Lord "why don't you come back with me, come with me, reside in my heart, be a part of my being." I do not know what came over me, but the mind was ready and the heart ached and I asked the panda to source a saligrama this time, knowing fully well I was signing up for the ultimate state of orthodox living, and I was prepared to go for it. It was all for my Lord Jagannath.

I went back this time, repeatedly calling up my panda to be reassured that I would get what I had requested for. I had no idea on how it was going to happen but I was ready for NO as an answer anytime... in the mortal world, being a woman, NO comes more often than a YES in the spiritual world. We reached the temple doorway, and walked in silently into the peaceful courtyard. He told us to wait and look at the Lord while the pranapratishta was underway. He came back and handed me a saligrama, wrapped in grains and a red cloth which I safely put into a wooden box I had brought along. I stared at it and looked up questioningly...no shankha, no chakra? He smiled and said it’s the prana of Lord Jaganntha, within this saligrama sila, it’s a Banalinga. It is Lord Shiva himself. 

I stared back into the shrine, I had come a full circle. Lord Shiva and Lord Jagannath had taught me a serious lesson, there was no difference between them for this was the pure form of Harihara. Where the sacred prana of Lord Jagannath resides within a saligrama whose nature is that of Shiva, as a Banalinga. There is no Vaishnavism, there is no Shaivism, there is no separation on such religious or spiritual Gods, this was their swarupam, the primordial nature of supreme energy, a small drop of which rested within my hands for me to take back home. Lord Jagannatha had answered my prayers, as he sent me back to my world of Shiva, but with His life force. 

I realized in these months, in these many darshans of Lord Jagannath, that I had undergone a change, I had matured, spiritually evolved. I had lost every form of attachment to my earthly existence. I had found my divine family, I had reached the abode of my sacred home. I have found my sacred family. This year has been blessed, Kamakshi Amman made me meet her, Lord Jagannath gave me his soul locked in a Banalinga saligrama, Ma Tara awaits me in Tarapith and Lord Venkateshwara awaits me in Tirupati and I have stepped into the next stage of spiritual evolution. Experiencing the completeness of my life with my divine family. 

1.14.2016

Jai Jagannatha - The Lord Who Never Disappoints!



It’s been a year with the Gods, I spent time with them more than I spent time with people. I lived with them, thought about them, loved them, prayed to them, adored them, sang to them... it has been so fulfilling and they didn’t disappoint. Lord Shiva, Ma Tara, Ma Kamakshi, Ma Kali are real in my head, more real than you and me. But recently circumstances presented themselves, events unfolded and I found myself heading to the temple of Puri more often than I had planned for. 



The larger picture is starting to get clear, the play of fate is a game am slowly getting to understand. There is a way to control things and not let it unfold as it feeds on our temperament. That’s when we rise towards being higher than just human. In this subtle reality, the mind has to work harder but if the heart is in the right place, it’s completely doable. Astrology helps to give direction, lets you know what’s coming but doesn’t get down to the depth of it...it lets you figure it out. And when the Daksha of fate comes to challenge us, hang on...face him with the army of Gods to support. Lord Shiva will come, or he will send someone. In my case, he sent Lord Jagannatha... and he didn't disappoint. 



I speak of a subtle reality, which has now become very loud. In my consciousness everyone around me now has become an actor, of a larger play and I am in it. Life has started to look up, people hardly matter for now my enemy is within, it’s me, it’s my fate... can I change it? I believe I can.

When we keep faith, when we surrender completely, I mean completely without doubts the Lord will act on it. And it’s an intoxication, the mind hardly wants to come back and live in this world. The other world is just more beautiful. Am I hallucinating, I wasn’t sure but when Lord Jagannatha just kept coming back I was certain, this is for real. Yes the heart has to be in love with him, the mind has to be persuasive and the magic of living can bring all the difference. Its deep, it’s fulfilling and it’s beyond human frivolousness. We are capable, more capable than we thought. 

The calling is strong, very strong and I just end up following my heart. Puri, land of the great Lord, a bustling temple swarming with people and with monkeys. Lord Rama is there with his Vanar sena, Lord Shiva has descended from Kasi, Lord Hanuman has come from the east gate and Goddess Mahalakshmi is seated on her throne. This dham, one among four, is the great seat of Lord Jagannatha, Neela Madhava... oh the bhava of surrender is just so amazing as we make our way into the sacred sanctum of the Lord who stands with Subhadra and Balarama. 


It’s a quiet chamber with a bit of day light streaming in and the lamp lights brighten up the interior. Ignore the sounds of the people and then you can feel the silence. Jagannatha stands there, with his hands spread out, with his eyes that don’t ever close, with his heart that is ever open to receive if we are willing to give. HE is my Jagannatha, my dear Lord, who called me again and again to visit him, to be with him, to surrender to him and to leave my heart behind with him for safe keeping. In this world of divinity, full of energy and divine secrets, its his home and its my home, my Hrydaya Kamalam where he resides, where Lord Shiva resides, where I have chosen to merge with him. 

Lord Jagannatha never disappoints, if we let go He will come to protect. Jai Jagannath!

Om Na Mo Bhagavate Vasudevaya